Here is where it begins to end

This morning was busy. I had an hour and a half to run around the house trying to clean up the worst of the messes that I hadn't been able to get at for the last two weeks. Y'see, the real estate agent was coming over to do the appraisal on the house and property, and I didn't want it looking like a sty.

I am never any good in the mornings and all this week I have been pretty emotional as I tried to get through the morning chores. Anxiety, panic and depression; obviously, it takes a while for the prozac to kick in.

Mr. C arrived promptly on time and we walked down the road to the property line. This time of year the trees are so overgrown that there's nothing much worth seeing. I took him into the back yard and through the trees so that he could see the back field, the pond and the little cottage B.B. built there at its edge.

I marveled at how much the orchard has overgrown. If I were to follow an old pipe dream and put a Halloween Walk in that area, there would be a lot of work that needed to be done.

Then, into the house. Single file. Into my mother's room, down the basement, into the L. Back up into the kitchen. On into the dining/living room, the Dog Room, the Horse Room.

On upstairs. We went first into the back guest bedroom and the attic, then came back out, and he walked into the three bedrooms. It really bothered me when he stood in my bedroom and looked around. Everything exposed. I hadn't made the bed.

With the house behind us, he briefly walked through the barns, and I had to show him how the big barn is so decrepit and so badly falling down. My mother paid a ton of money to have it jacked and repainted just about fifteen years ago; they did a lousy job, and now it is in worse shape than it was when she had it fixed up.

It was all distressing enough that after he left I sat down on the bench outside and sobbed for ten minutes. It was nothing to do with the agent; he's a nice man who knew my mother and was at her memorial gathering and is married to the paralegal who works with my lawyer (so, I don't just have a lawyer. I have a team).

It's just that, as I've said before, it's starting to get real, and Reality bites. God is a bastard and Time is his whore.

After a while, Junior came and jumped up next to me. We sat out there a while longer. Then I had to pick myself up. I went in, got the duping started on Republic's HAUNTED HARBOR, changed into my shlubbing around the house clothes, had a bowl of cereal and then sat down here.

It's been a lovely day outside. I've written a lot, had a walk, and also some excitement when a freak downpour unleashed itself.

I'm starting to wonder what it would entail if I were to buy the house from the estate.