Sunday, December 5, 2010

Of Wills, Wolves and Melodrama

Actually, this picture is unfair. My sister is nowhere near as cute as this wolf!

I need to start thinking about making a Will. Now.

The day when The Wolf who Calls Herself My Sister was at the house, going through my mother's clothes, she looked at my scrapbook and then coyly said, "So, if anything happens to you, can Patty have this?"

And I thought to myself, "What, are you going to have me killed now?"

The thought did actually occur. But I pushed it aside, actually flattered that The Wolf was covetous of my pictures.
But some time later I told this story to my father in an email, and instead of telling me it was Melodrama (which it probably is, as my friend B____ did point out), he wrote back to tell me that the same thought had occurred to him!

And when I told it to my lawyer, as a joke, she not only didn't laugh -- she looked concerned!

People shouldn't react like that to the things I tell them. I'm an impressionable boy. Now a part of me is looking nervously over my shoulder from time to time to see if there are any Hit Men hiding in the trees!

My sister is not just an alchie like me -- she's also a junkie who nearly killed herself driving through a red light at high speed while she was on LSD. She has done things that, much as I dislike her and enjoy smearing her in public, I can't write about here. She undoubtedly has Connections with what is referred to in the Funny Books as The Underworld.

So -- you know -- just in case -- if anything untoward happens to me in the coming months, you will all know who to blame!

Meanwhile, I'm getting all my Ducks in a Row. If she and her Unholy Spawn can't inherit anything from me, and know it, that's the best defense -- the same as changing the lock on the house was the best security measure that I took all those months ago!

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