Monday, December 5, 2011
I Beg to Differ. . .
I spotted this magazine cover at the supermarket the other day, and thought, "Oh, really? A headline written by someone who's never suffered from it."
Actually, I had a good streak of Freedom from Anxiety in recent weeks. I suspect it was because I was so sick that I didn't have the energy for panic attacks or anxiety. Now that I'm feeling somewhat better, all that has changed.
The spells are coming at different times of the day, and are lasting longer. I've written about this before, so I won't go over it all again. I do see the footnote reading "As long as you know how to use it," but that makes no sense to me. Anxiety is formless and cannot be channeled, only outlasted, and that only for a short time before it's back on you like a parasite.
My doctor is talking about increasing my dosage of Prozac. I hope that it helps. I did not miss these daily adventures into panic, and would be grateful for anything that would Make it Stop.
Speaking of anxiety, just to prove that I am my own worst enemy, I joined an online dating service. Briefly.
I know! I thought the same thing! I thought, What the hell are you doing? Well, a co-worker had signed up for the same service and he was getting all kinds of hits and I guess it seemed like the Thing to Do. I'm good at playing Follow the Leader. I never imagined that anything would come of it. I figured that a few days would go by, nothing would happen, and then I'd forget the whole thing.
So I was actually mortified when my inbox began to fill up with notices saying that various women wanted to meet me. I thought, Are they stupid? Did they read my profile?
But then I went and actually answered a couple of them!
I know!! I thought that, too! I thought, Are you crazy? What are you thinking? Why are you completely unable to learn from past mistakes?
I live my life knowing that I'm going to make a fool out of myself, but unable to prevent myself from doing it.
Well, not this time. This morning, I deleted the account. Now I am breathing a sigh of relief.
I really shouldn't go anywhere near the computer after about ten o'clock at night. My typing fingers tend to do things of their own volition, without speaking to my head. One of these days, it's going to get me into trouble.