Thursday, June 28, 2012
Return to 4 East
I am just back from a third stay at 4 East. It was not nearly the positive experience that the last last one was. For one thing, the circumstances of my admission were humiliating to say the least, and will have consequences that will impact my future for some time to come.
While I was there, the doctors changed my anti-depression medication, and the effects of the new one have yet to take hold. In effect, I'm running on no medication at all -- and it's disturbing. I don't want to write about it too much here, because I'm afraid someone will call the cops on me again and I'll wind up right back where I was -- or someplace worse. Here at least I have my cats -- and we are all so happy to see each other!! We are all we've go. We are all we've got. We are all we've got.
But for me the worst part of it all was to disappoint my NP. The last time I got out of 4 East, I returned the same day, all cleaned up and shaved and with a handcart full of books as donations for the ward. And she smiled at me . . . the way she looked at me made me so happy. As I wheeled the books into the office she actually slid her arm through mine. I think it was the happiest day, the happiest moment of my whole life.
That's all over now. Of course she was nice to me, because that's her job.
This post is going nowhere and I'm in a really bad place right now. Type at you later.