Tuesday, December 16, 2014

I See Dead People

I saw my mother in a dream again last night. This happens on average about once a month.

I went over to the old house and found her there, looking a decade younger than was when she died, and standing on her own two legs -- no canes and no prosthetic.

She's unhappy about what's happening there, as am I. I do honestly think that it's a sin to tear down something that other people built and cared about. 

We came up to the back of the house, the northwest side, and saw that all of the walls had been ripped out and the house was standing open to the air. We went in, and there were just piles and piles of things that I had left behind, being sold in a kind of rummage sale by the new owners before they take the whole place down. While she kept them occupied I loaded up my car with stuff, telling myself that it wasn't stealing, because it was mine, I had simply not been able to take it with me at the time. Then the dream changed into something else, and I was far away in another situation.

Mom now knows that she is dead. This is a change from earlier encounters with her in the dream world.

She is not happy with me. The last time I saw her, before last night, was in a dream that was quite similar, except that she just stared at me, not speaking, from the back seat of the car while I loaded it up with all the cherished things that I had left behind. 

The house actively started falling apart almost the moment that she died, as if she had been the glue holding it together. Once, during the summer after she was gone, I found water literally running down the inside walls ... true, I had left the windows open that day, but it had not been raining. I attributed it then to the awful humidity we had been experiencing but I lived in that house for 35 years in all sorts of conditions and never saw water running down the inside walls before. It was like the house was weeping.

Now I worry that she's stuck over there, all alone with the house coming down around her, leaving her with no place to be connected to. Is it possible to invite a ghost to come and live in another place? Would I even want to do that? No wonder she's not happy with me.

-- Freder.

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