Monday, November 22, 2010
I was going to make a crack about Wounded Knee but thought better of it. . .
Hey, now! You want to hear the latest? I've sprained my knee!
It is exquisitely painful and it turns all of life's humdrum activities (like getting dressed and feeding quats) into a real adventure!
I have no idea how it happened, but I think it involved my fat quat Pandy Bear sitting on me.
For two days I did what guys do -- ignored it. It kept getting worse. Finally on Sunday I thought to myself, "Do you think. . . ?"
Obviously, the answer is, "not much, and not very deeply."
I checked in with "Dr. Google." They said not to walk on it.
Riiiiiiiiight! I live alone in a house the size of the Ponderosa with five hungry quats! My bedroom is about a mile and a half from the kitchen. Don't walk on it!
So I spent Sunday in bed as much as I could, with an ice pack on my knee. This did help -- I can now walk without screaming. Can't remember the last time I spent a day reading. I did ultimately become engrossed in the book, but at first it was just frustrating. I have so much to do around the house, and it all involves getting down on my hands and knees. Also, I cope pretty well with grief as long as I keep busy. Lying in bed reading is a nice thing to do, but it's not the same.
The temptation to drink during the day was as strong as it has ever been. Pain killer and grief-number. But I've been beating that temptation down long enough that it's getting easier. Just read and sip on your Ginger Ale, idiot.
The book was The Last Greatest Magician in the World, a biography of Howard Thurston and, around the edges, an account of his mild rivalry with Harry Houdini.Thurston was by all indications hands down the better magician, so why don't we remember him? As Walter B. Gibson, creator of The Shadow and editor of a magic magazine, puts it, "All of Thurston's publicity was aimed at getting people into the theater; all of Houdini's publicity was aimed at creating a legend."
Thurston was welcoming and urbane on the stage -- but what a life he lived! He was a con artist, a hobo, a carnival barker, a rough character; it's doubtful that anyone in the packed houses of his later career dreamed that he was a more colorful person than they imagined.
On Saturday, the crew from Auction House number two came around to "clean me out." The less said about that, the better. I limped around the periphery, and didn't let them in the house, but even having them pick just from from the shop and barns, it still felt like an assault. They tried to take my roller skates from my childhood! Plus, I was in pain. There were a lot of tears this weekend. Glad to get back to work. Especially since the boss is out!
Oh, and the car? Yeah, it was the battery. That guy from Triple A needs to get a new tester!
-- Freder.
Labels:
alcoholism,
books,
grief,
magic,
quats,
the assault
Friday, November 19, 2010
The Torture-Proof Man
I'm proud to point out the obvious: you don't see many Family Portraits like this one. I found it the other night while going through a box full of stuff that the auctioneers had thrown together during those awful three days. I hadn't seen it in years.
It was taken at an Antique Show at the A________ Civic Center, probably thirty years ago. Mom always put up an elaborate booth, usually with the wooden "house" flats that she'd painted herself, but for a while she displayed this circus sideshow banner, and this one time we dressed for the occasion. My mother is the clown, I'm the Ringmaster, and my sister is in the lion costume.
This is actually quite appropriate, because for the last thirty years she's been lyin'.
Sam Pennington, the editor of the Maine Antique Digest, was tickled by our act, and he insisted on taking the picture. You can see it in full size at my Flickr account, just follow the link in the sidebar.
I still have the vest and tailcoat, but don't fit into them anymore, and my leather top hat tooled with a black rose was taken by the auctioneer's crew, sometime when I was distracted, along with my winter leather jacket! The clownish jacket that my mother is wearing is something that she made. I'm sure I still have it. And the lion costume is safe with me. Here he is in color:
The Torture-Proof Man sideshow banner is the real thing, a genuine relic from a nameless circus of long ago. I tried to find it in the weeks and months after Mom died, but had no luck. So I was actually pleased when the auctioneer's crew did find it, and laid it out on the front lawn. It wasn't lost after all. Perhaps it was under her bed. That wouldn't surprise me!
It's going to be auctioned off early next year, and I hope it gets a good home. I'm OK with that, because it was too big for my new home (and, psst! Don't tell the auctioneer or anyone else, but I withheld a second, smaller sideshow banner that will have a special place somewhere in my next life!)
Who was it said: "Damn it all. Damn everything but the circus."
-- Freder
Labels:
auction,
Circus,
Funhouse,
scrapbook,
the collection
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Dreams of the Departed
This morning I talked to my mother in a dream. We were shopping in a Disney store (one of her favorite activities in her later years, until the Disney Company closed down the stores). She was walking on her own two legs, and looked better than she had for some months. This was an idealized Disney store, they had just about anything anyone could want. I found an animated movie on DVD about the adventures of a Steampunked-up Mickey Mouse. Mom wasn't interested in that.
(When I went to find an image for this post, I Googled "Steampunk Mickey Mouse" and look what I found. Apparently the Disney Company really is doing something along this line. How odd, on so many levels, that I knew nothing about this, and dreamed it, and it's real. Here's a link to prove it.)
We didn't talk about anything serious. We never did. Our life was all about escaping from serious things. Mom was in her element and enjoying her newfound freedom to buy anything she wanted. She had loaded up the checkout counter with a pile of things (I've actually seen her do that in real life). But then something happened. The scene was suddenly colored with a deep sadness. It was almost as if she knew that she could not take any of these things home with her.
She disappeared, and my dream went in a different direction. I woke feeling sad, anxious, and with a bad case of the shakes.
This is not the first time I have had this kind of a dream. The first time was years ago. As with today, it was early morning and I was on the way to waking up. Then Sandy P_____, a former co-worker and a friend, entered my dream. I knew that she had been suffering from cancer for a long time. The last time I had seen her (in real life) she was in a wheelchair, bald from chemo, horribly diminished, but her spirits were, remarkably, still high.
Now, in my dream, she looked great, just like her old self. I asked, "How are you?" and she said, "I'm great, I'm completely recovered! They were getting ready to put me in a pine box, but I showed them!"
We sat down at a picnic table and talked a while. Then suddenly the scene was colored with the same sense of sadness that I recognized last night. Something was making me understand that I had to go. I said good-bye, walked away from the picnic table, and woke up -- remembering everything clearly.
Half an hour later the telephone rang. It was my former boss, Ellen R________. She told me that Sandy had died during the night.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Some days it pours!
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| My car is about as reliable as Professor Fate's, here: from The Great Race. |
Yesterday ended so well. I spent an hour on the phone lining up homeowner's insurance (by combining it with my auto insurance I save $$$!), talked with the current owner of the house (he said the loan officer had called him to say she anticipated being able to close in three weeks), had a halfway decent dinner, drank less than usual, and got to bed on time with the anticipation of being at the new house early to sit in on the home inspection.
But today went, ehm, differently than planned.
I was supposed to be at the inspection at 9:00 AM. Actually, I was going to get there half an hour early and take some snaps of the interior.
I waded through another one of the torrential downpours we've been getting (sure hope we get out of this weather pattern before it turns really cold!), got in my car, turned the key -- and nothing happened. We've all had these moments, I know. I'm just saying. Why do these things always happen when you have to be somewhere unusual and the weather is hideous?
There was no electrical power at all -- couldn't even unlock the doors by the switch.
I swam back through the growing typhoon and called the home inspector. After all, I had the keys and was supposed to let him in. No answer. Left a message. Then called Triple A.
This was a little bit worrisome because I had it in my head that we'd canceled Triple A on all the vehicles after my mother died. Fortunately for me, it turned out I'm still a member.
Long story short: I got hold of the inspector, he swung by to pick up the keys, and in due time the mechanic came, did a battery test (it passed) and started the car. All's well that ends well, right? I can even make most of the inspection, right?
If you believe that, you haven't been paying attention!
I was crossing the river into W_________ when the car suddenly died. We're talking D-E-A-D dead. I'm shooting along the bridge at about forty miles an hour with no power steering or brakes, nothing. The window immediately started to fog up so I couldn't see where I was going. Couldn't open the windows to let in air.
I coasted along as far as the car would take me, then turned onto the shoulder. Actually, I was pretty lucky, ending up at the bottom of the off-ramp, just a couple of hundred yards from a credit union. This was vital, because I do not own a cell phone. I don't like the telephone at the best of times, why would I want to carry one of the bloody things wherever I go?
To call for help, obviously.
It was another forty minute wait at the credit union, and when the tow truck pulled in, it was driven by the same guy who started the car back home!
Towed it to the dealership, they gave me a ride to work, where I arrived soaking wet but grateful. After all, it could have been so much worse. Actually, I had just one moment of real despair during the whole experience, while I was cooling my heels at the credit union. It struck me that I didn't have anyone to call.
Oh, and the house? Seems to have passed the inspection with flying colors. I'll let you know about the car!
Sex in Cinema -- 1934 style
Six of a Kind is the movie equivalent of a cookie. It's fun, light, easy, and it's over fast. The re-teaming of W. C. Fields and Alison Skipworth (whose earlier teaming in Tillie & Gus is fondly remembered by me, though it's another missing link on DVD) was my main reason for wanting to see this picture, but just look at the rest of the cast -- and they all get equal opportunity.
I'd never thought about it before, but the picture is actually pretty racy for the time: the entire plot centers around a middle-aged couple's "second honeymoon" and the continual frustration of their efforts to sleep together. The movie even ends with Charlie Ruggles leaping enthusiastically into the bed where his wife, Mary Boland, is already ensconced.
So we can assume it's a happy ending, although Ruggles and Boland are of a certain age and this was in the days long before Viagra!
Burns and Allen play an unmarried pair of congenial control freaks who force their way into the Ruggles Honeymoon and do everything in their power to annoy, frustrate, misdirect and otherwise ruin the vacation. Fields plays "Honest John," the sheriff of a small backwater, while Skipworth owns the local hotel. The situation is complicated by a sub-plot involving a bag of stolen bank notes that's foisted onto Ruggles by the actual thief. Once the money is discovered, Fields and Skipworth naturally want a piece of it, while Burns & Allen immediately shuck themselves of Ruggles and hightail it out of town by commandeering the car of another feckless couple.
Ruggles and Boland are actually pretty darned good at their kind of frippery, while Burns and Allen get a chance to lend a mild dark side to their act. Fields gets his moment and a chance to show off his skill with a pool cube in a sequence that seems to have been filmed without much interference from the director.
This is a picture that I needed to upgrade from VHS, and it came with two other Burns & Allen pictures in one package. I have my doubts about those: I can only take Burns & Allen in very small doses (Gracie sometimes walks an awfully fine line between funny and annoying) ; it will be interesting to see if the pair can actually sustain a picture by themselves.
-- Freder
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
V-V-V-Vampires!
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| "Giff mee yourrr FUR-nicherrr! Giff mee your MAIMaries! I VANT yourrrr SHTUFF!" |
Tonight the owners of the secondary auction house are coming over to see what's left for them to take.
There's a significant amount in the two barns, but the main house is going to be an issue. They are going to want to pull things out of there now, whereas there are only a few things that I can allow them to take. I need for them to wait until after I'm done moving, then come by and pick up whatever is left behind. I won't know until I get in to the new house whether some of the furniture is coming with me or not.
There's a large green icebox in the kitchen that I can't use, but I still don't want them to take it now. It would be too disruptive, the whole kitchen would have to be moved, and besides which, my cats like to jump up there to look out the window. Until we're gone, it stays.
For my part, I am just GOD damn sick of strangers traipsing through my house, looking at everything.
In a seemingly-unrelated matter, it comes as a surprise to discover that I must be weather-sensitive. All it takes is one dismal, dreary day, and the black dog is once again on my doorstep.
Now I want to say a giant "thank you" to all of you. I check the stats every day, so I know you're out there, some of you from as far away as Denmark, Russia and Japan. I don't know why you're reading this drivel, but you are. And that means something to me. The only time that I don't feel completely alone is when I'm working on this crazy blog.
-- Freder
Monday, November 15, 2010
Something's Coming. . .
A funny thing happened on Thursday morning.
I felt fine! No anxiety, no depression -- I felt (dare I say it) chipper. Even cheerful. I can't remember the last time this happened. No, I mean I really can't.
What could be the cause of this sudden sense of okay-ness? Most likely, it's to do with "my" new house. I've been by there two mornings in a row in order to sign papers for the current owner, and both times I've left with a refreshing sense of anticipation.
It's literally three minutes away from my job. This means I'll be getting an hour back out of my life every day, not to mention the savings on gasoline. It means I can go home at lunchtime and feed and talk to the cats.
Folks have looked at the pictures and are saying things like "That's a lot of house" -- and it is, but compare it to the manse I am living in now. My mother's house has six bedrooms, four and a half baths, a pantry, a workshop, a large kitchen, a dining room, a living room, a front sitting room, and a study. The new house has four bedrooms, two baths, a small kitchen, a study, a dining room, a living room, and a side sitting room. The latter rooms sort of evoke the ones in my mother's house, but they are significantly smaller.
There won't be an echo!
It has something my mother's house does not: a three-season screened porch. My kitties will LOVE that!
The loan officer I spoke to is positive that the mortgage will go through. She thinks they can turn it around in as little as three weeks. If not -- then the closing is no later than December 31. The payments will be a little steep and tight at first, but as soon as the money comes in from the estate I can pay down at no penalty and re-negotiate to payments at a much more manageable level.
My father is helping, in the short term, but he will be repaid sooner rather than later. I don't mind owing the bank money, but it drives me crazy to owe him and his wife. The one who really made this all possible is my mother. You've seen the pictures (if not, go look now). Late in life she had terrible cash flow problems, and I often wondered why she didn't just sell the stuff and lay her worries to rest. Instead, she came crying to me every other month, asking for money I couldn't easily spare. She kept saying she would pay me back.
She'll do that, with much interest, but I wish it hadn't happened this way.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Bread & Circuses
This is an article I wrote years ago for my long-defunct literary zine, Millennium. I dug it out of mothballs because I watched the documentary Circus on PBS last night, and it made me sweek with glee. Wherever possible I've hyperlinked names with their entries at Circopedia.
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While the rest of the nation spends their Sunday afternoon watching a gaggle of hulking hyper-thyroid morons battering each other senseless in a contest to decide if football can possibly make us dumber than, say, watching football, I shall be watching an angel triumph over gravity. Video tape was made for Super Bowl Sunday, and thanks to video I can take my Day of Athleticism in the form of the Circus.
Where team sports represents the suppression of the individual and the crushing of one’s opponent into the dirt, the modern circus presents a team of an entirely different sort, where individual strengths are always given the chance to shine, and the goal is common attainment of flight. Where football fans dream of breaking bones, the circus dreams of breaking natural laws, of aspiration, of stretching flesh and bone to the limits of the heart and mind. This is nothing more or less than evolution in the purest sense: the effort of man to haul itself bodily out of the limitations of clay.
There are good circuses and there are not-so-good circuses, the latter almost certainly giving rise to the myth of the Circus of Darkness or evil as personified in Ray Bradbury’s masterful Something Wicked This Way Comes. It is the good circuses that concern us here -- and North America is fortunate to have at least three Very Good circuses alive and thriving as the datebook turns over its latest page. In one form or another I’ve been fortunate to see the work of all three.
The three-ring circus is purely American in design: growing out of the idea that more is better and that audiences served up with more than they can possibly digest in one sitting will come away from the performance in a state of effulgent dizziness, sated beyond all the dreams of gluttony.
Ringling Bros. & Barnum & Bailey is to other circuses what the United States Government is to, say, the Government of Finland: huge, tentacled, sprawling, and layered with level upon level of support systems. And damn do they put on a show.
We saw the 124th Edition in Boston nearly four years ago. Our reservations about three-ring circuses were well-founded: because there’s an inherent unfairness about them for the performers, who must try to hold the attention of the audience over two other acts (and sometimes many more) simultaneously in performance. In theory this is probably designed to spur them on to greater heights, but we doubt that’s how it works in practice.
The featured act that year were the baby elephants Romeo and Juliette, and as a featured act they were kind of a bust. Never mind. In a three-ring circus there is always more to see. There were dancers spinning about in spiderweb ropes thirty feet above the ground, hanging by their toes or their teeth, balanced on one hand; there were dozens of acrobats flying over, around and through each other at dizzying speeds, creating an atomic effect on a grand human scale; there were Cossak riders and plate balancers and animals both wild and tame. In Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey, the moral seems to be not so much that the natural laws of space and gravity can be broken, but they can be broken easily, repeatedly and en masse. Even the clowns, many experts in their craft, came by the dozens: because of their Florida Clown School, Ringling is able to turn out highly skilled clowns in numbers that would choke even one of those little VW Cars that spits out clowns in alarming quantity. There’s no time for subtlety in this kind of Clown Show: we are provided with an entire race of the things, each moving through their performances with the precision of an aerialist.
In 1995 we were honored to witness the “Grandma Meets Mummenshanz” edition of The Big Apple Circus, an unusual edition of an already unusual circus.
Easily the greatest and classiest of one-ring American circuses, Paul Binder’s Big Apple Circus is unbelievably intimate in atmosphere compared to the Ringling Production, not only for the smallness of the tent and the closeness of the seats to the ring, but for the one-on-one interaction of the performers with the crowd.
In a beautifully designed tent layered with cloth and canvas, stars and stripes, a modern band played on a platform above the ring and the acts rolled out one by one. With a refreshing lack of pretension the performers (each of them among the best in the world) went through their paces before and above us: because The Big Apple takes a traditional approach to the circus arts, and takes them more seriously than any of the small American circuses, the audience was given a complete array of acts presented with straightforward dynamism: the idea being that acts themselves are dazzling enough without a bunch of unnecessary glitter. Highlights included an amazing three-person strength/statue act, the lovely Elena Panova on trapeze, horses, balancing, high-flying and an elaborate juggling setpiece. Only the pig act disappointed; the oinkers did not seem to be co-operating that afternoon.
Perhaps in a concession to the open artiness of La Cirque du Soleil, this edition of the Big Apple Circus included performances by the panto group Mummenshanz, which proved that they can be as engaging circus performers as any. In one sequence they worked closely with featured clown Barry Lubin, who appeared throughout in his justifiably famous Grandma character (Lubin is one of the two or three greatest living Clowns, a national treasure on par with Lou Jacobs and Emmett Kelly). The combination was electric, adding a note of unique specialness to this edition.
There are those who view Canada’s Cirque du Soleil as avant-garde, or nontraditional; but to our minds the Cirque is about as traditional as they come. The question is which tradition. There are no animal acts, which is a departure; and the tone owes as much to Cirque artistic directors Franco Dragone and Guy Laliberté’s background as street performers as it does to the circus. The effect is entirely European, and in that regard the tradition that Cirque follows may go back farther than any other circus in the world.
Like The Big Apple Circus, Cirque du Soleil plays in a single ring under a tent that seats a relatively intimate crowd. Lacking the animal acts, it combines feats of almost inhuman skill and daring with world-class clown performers, exciting original music, dramatic lighting, loosely structured plot settings and an unusual “Greek Chorus” of brightly garbed, masked onlookers. We have seen them only on video: the best of these (We Reinvent the Circus, Nouvelle Experience and the just-released Quidam) represent shortened versions of the tours -- and the best that circus arts have to offer.
In Quidam, La Cirque repeats a device from an earlier show: the inhuman visitant who bestows a Magic Hat upon a frustrated and drab want-a-lifer (in this case a young girl whose parents hide behind newspapers), who then experiences ecstatic visions of human attainment: the clear message being “We can do this: we can touch the sky: and by extension, so can you.”
Standout acts include a man inside a wheel -- just like a European toy from the last century -- the obligatory but always astonishing statue act (as literal a metaphor as you will ever find for man’s ability to mold elegance and symmetry out of raw clay), some very fine clowning and, best of all, an aerial act of exquisite beauty in which a woman suspends herself thirty feet above the ground merely by wrapping herself in silk.
But then, circus aerialists are the most beautiful women in the world, for dreaming and daring and flying above us all. Try getting that from a football game.
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